Culture Shock

[Khalid Al-Kuwari]

When the gelding came over to investigate, Khalid gave the horse a shy pet on the nose. The horse didn't seem at all mean-spirited, and Mick wasn't immediately grabbing for his head, so the boy figured the gelding didn't nip. Horses were always so good at sensing the rider's emotions and were big and fuzzy and huggable. Not that Khalid would ever admit to liking a horse's emotional support to another person.

His hand fell to his side, and he shrank back some at the news that Mick was a guidance counselor. The boy wasn't keen on having to lie down on a bed and being asked, 'And how does that make you feel, mhm?' To say nothing of the shame and ridicule from his parents if they ever found out their son couldn't handle being almost 12,000 miles from home. It wasn't an easy decision and admitting he even needed to talk to someone involved swallowing his own pride. Talking to someone who could give an answer didn't sound terrible, but the fear of what others would think if they so much suspected weakness was a weighty deterrent.

"Okay," he said finally. "There is um...some things I need to do first, so can I meet you over there?"

Ish deserved a treat for being so nice, he wanted to grab his jacket from his tack trunk, and it would be weird to visit the barn and not check on Nasr. He ducked out without waiting for an answer. Khalid could feel his face burning with embarrassment that he even accepted the offer to mee with a counselor. There was no need to prolong his perceived misery needlessly.

He grabbed his black jacket with the maroon fleece lining and a couple peppermints from the tack room. Ish was happy to get a piece of candy and some more attention even if she couldn't understand the words of thanks. Nasr got the other peppermint and a few good pets. The bay gelding was more interested in eating hay than paying attention to his rider. A quick glance at his watch let Khalid know that if he didn't waste more time, he could reach the administration office just before the class period ended. And since the office was in the opposite direction of the arenas, hopefully no one would see him. The moment he was outside the barn, Khalid picked up the pace to a jog along the path between the barn and office.

The biggest problem with winter was that all the buildings were heated like an oven, but the outside temperature was miserable. Khalid unzipped his coat once inside the administrative building and followed the signs to the counselors' offices. He knocked before entering and gave Mick a stiff bow.

"As-salāmu ʿalayka."

Mikhail Thatcher

[Mikhail Thatcher]

Mick gave a small nod at the boy's reaction to hearing what he did here, it was exactly why he didn't introduce himself as Dr Thatcher, as he could just imagine the boy's reaction to that information.

He gave a soft smile as the student agreed to meet him at his office. "Take your time." He offered. "I will meet you there when you are ready."

He waited for a bit after the boy had left and then he removed Casper's head collar, and left the stall to return the brush to the grooming kit, and he made his way back to his apartment where he grabbed Belle's lead and took the canine out to relieve herself and returned her to the apartment. "You'll live." He told her as she lay down on her bed and looked up at him with her chin on her paws.

Leaving the building he crossed over to the main building and made his way down to his office. Shrugging out of his jacket, he left the door slightly open as he walked over and sat down behind his desk. He looked up with a smile as there was a knock on the door and the boy entered. He bowed his head in return as he rose to his feet. "Please have a seat." He said, making a note to work out how he should be responding to the boy's greeting, and gestured to the chairs on the opposite side of his desk.

He sat back down and folded his hands on desk. "What seems to be weighing so heavily on your shoulders?"

[Khalid Al-Kuwari]

Khalid opted to sit in the chair closest to the door. His mind was a bit distracted by the incomplete exchange as one of many things that bothered him about being in America. He kept his arms crossed and stared mostly at the desk, trying to organize his thoughts in English. Even if people knew English wasn't his native language and his vocabulary had gaps here and there, he didn't want to sound like the village idiot.

"It sounds stupid, but I miss home, and I haven't heard from my family in awhile. Or my friends, but they're honorary family. I try texting them, but they never respond. It's hard just getting through the day here, and no one really understands how different it all is. School makes me feel like an idiot because I can't understand the vocabulary."

Culture differences in particular were startling. Things he initially thought were exciting had lost their appeal. Being able to talk to women seemed great until he realized that he really didn't know how to talk to them. People were friendly, but it was a different sort of friendliness than what he experienced in Doha. It wasn't permissable to go talk to someone reading a good book or someone who just looked lonely at a coffee shop.

Even the role of family was much less important in American than in Qatar. Khalid was always spending time with his cousins and uncles, his younger sisters regularly got rides around Doha by an aunt, and there was nothing unusual about dropping in on a relative unexpectedly or having large gatherings to break the fast each night for Ramadan. It was incredibly difficult to get used to not seeing family everyday or having some grandmother harping on him for not being married yet. Khalid was used to always getting text messages from someone asking if he wanted to stop by for tea or if he needed a ride anywhere, something from the store, or just if he had any plans for the day.

[Mikhail Thatcher]

If this was a "normal" session with a student, Nick would be taking notes, but as it seemed that the boy didn't exactly want to be here, he decided that taking notes was something he'd skip this time around. After all, he was only offering an open ear.

He gave a soft smile. "Homesickness is perfectly normal. There are times when I'll hear or smell something that will remind me of home and it will hit me how far away I am from everything familiar to me." Even if he had left England not on the best terms with his father, he still loved his parents and missed them terribly.
"Is there a chance that maybe your family and friends are giving you the space and time they might think you need to adjust to your new surroundings?" He chuckled softly. "I think it's an unwritten rule for schools to make the students feel like idiots, no matter the language." Ok, his attempt at a joke was on the lame side, but there were enough times that he'd felt like a idiot while he was studying psychology.

He sat back a little. "Aside from missing everything that is familiar and school, how are you finding things here?" He asked. "Have you made any friends with your fellow students?" He knew that the boy making new friends would be the first step in him conquering the pain from missing home, though it was never as easy as the question made it sound.

[Khalid Al-Kuwari]

It seemed odd to Khalid that homesickness could be considered normal. His father went to foreign countries all the time and never seemed to miss home, and plenty of expats in Doha appeared perfectly well adjusted and happy. He wanted the security of home and knowing the language, the routine of life, and how to behave. Everyone knew what to expect in terms of modesty and public behavior. Even in the heart of Doha, Khalid always felt safe even if he was sporting an expensive watch, pen, and sunglasses.

"It's what I don't hear and smell that's weird. And my family used to text me multiple times a day with invitations or requests. They're never this quiet. I would like it if xaala asked me if I am getting married soon. The homework takes hours to complete because I have to look up so many words. I learned the material before, but not with English."

As for friends, Khalid didn't really know what to say. Certainly he didn't have any friends like back in Qatar. People played different sports, so it wasn't even as though he could strike up friends through football.

"I don't know. The school is good and helpful, but there are a lot of little things that are different. I'm not sure if the I could call the other students friends, yet. At home, I grew up with people and our families are close. My friends were like brothers. Here, there's no one really like me."

[Mikhail Thatcher]

Mick nodded as he listened, he could guess that even the weather here would be a bit of a shock to the boy. He sat forward as the talk turned to school work. "With the class side of things, you need to go and speak with Ms Hart, the principal about language issues you are having, I am sure that there will be some computer programme that will be able to help you translate things at a better speed for you." After all, the members of the United Nations all listened to the same speech, though they had programmes that translated the words into their native tongue so that they would understand without needing it to be translated secondhand, so there had to be something to help with the boy's school work.

"That's the problem with moving away from home." He said. "You move away from everything warm and familiar to you, which means you have to strike out on your own to try and establish your own form of order without stepping too much out of the confines of what makes you who you are. I'm sorry but I can't wave a magical wand to make everything better, nor can I promise that everything will look different in the morning. However, I can assure you that everything will make sense in time, you just need to give it that, time." He studied the student for a moment. "Allow yourself time to grieve, don't be ashamed to miss your home and family. My other advice would be to make the first step in contacting those from home. You may find that your friends are missing you, and don't know how to let you know."

[Khalid Al-Kuwari]

Khalid was reluctant to admit that his fluency in English had some gaps. Some terms were just spelled or pronounced differently, and it was hard not to revert back to the more familiar sounds of Arabic, but other words were entirely foreign. Math was the easiest class due to mathematics being a universal language.

"I would not want to make trouble for the school. I'm very thankful that I can go to masjid every Friday for jum'ah."

The hardest part of moving from the Gulf to America was the difference in culture. Doha was conservative by Western standards, but more moderate next to the very conservative Riyadh and relatively liberal Dubai. Khalid thought that being a Qatari Muslim defined a huge part of his life. His nationality gave him a sense of identity and belonging while his religion guided every aspect of living.

"I can't get used to the culture here. At home, I was not allowed to talk to young or single women who were not my relatives, I never had girl classmates, and I never practiced sports in the presence of girls. I feel strange shaking a girl's hand. The food here is very different, and I don't know what is halal. At home, I never had to think if I was allowed to eat meat. I wish I could have machbous and al rangina. Al-Yaoum al-Watani is soon, and this will be the first time I am not celebrating with my family. For the first time, I can't perform ard'a with my friends, I won't be able to fly my falcon, and I miss her very much. It feels like everything that is important at home is different here."

In Qatar, all his friends shared a similar upbringing, religion, language, and values. Whether from the Gulf, the Levant, or North Africa, Khalid grew up surrounded primarily by Arabs. The Western expatriates were neighbors, but lived mostly separate lives. Western hotels and clubs were viewed as places to avoid particularly on Friday nights.

"I texted some of my friends a few days ago, but they haven't sent a message back. I have class during the best time to call home, and I don't really want to call the embassy. The ambassador is my uncle."

[Mikhail Thatcher]

Mick shook his head. "Don't worry about making trouble for the school." He said gently. "The school will be more concerned about making sure everything works for you." He couldn't be the first student who entered the campus with these issues, and if he was, then there should surely be something set up to make life slightly easier for him.

A smile touched his lips as the boy spoke about the co-ed thing. "I can't help you on that one sorry, as I know that most of the students here are quick social. You don't have to shake hands though, yes, it's an ancient custom, but you wouldn't be the first person to bow rather than shaking hands." He held a hand up a hand when the boy spoke of food and from a drawer in his desk and pulled out a booklet and offered it to Khalid. It was a menu where the allergens and halal and vegetarian were marked. "That should help you with your food worries."

He folded his hands as he listened again and nodded his head. "Time." He finally said. "It will all take time. If you are interested, it's not ardah, but I am looking at getting permission to teach another student sword forms, you are welcome to join us." He hadn't ordered the practice swords yet, so he'd just add another couple to the order, and it would do him a world of good to start each day working through his sword forms. "The gymnasium has a dojo, and I know that there are two students in there that often work with their bo-staffs in there."

[Khalid Al-Kuwari]

"It's only a few classes. I'm sure Principal Hart has more important things to worry about."

For Khalid, turning down offers a couple times was part of being polite. As much as extra help in his courses would be appreciated, accepting too soon would be considered rude and greedy. Often times, it allowed a host to show off hospitality, and the guest was expected to humbly refuse. However, it could slow down ordinary transactions such as getting multiple people through a door when everyone was insisting on letting everyone else through first. Some people were particularly insistent on making offers, and it took multiple refusals and excuses before the matter was dropped. Usually, three offers was sufficient.

He hesitated a bit before taking the booklet. It certainly took one worry off his mind, as Khalid had been warned in advance that American foods sometimes contained pork products even if the item itself appeared to be plant based. Bread sometimes contained lard which tended to be made from pig fat. Going from a starch and protein heavy diet to one made up primarily of fruits and vegetables suddenly wasn't healthy either.

"I don't know. Ard'a is very um, a ritual dance. And I think Arab sword fighting is different than Western sword fighting. So um, could I get out of my last class before lunch on Thursday to call my family? Maybe there is a problem with sending international SMS or with Vodafone."

[Mikhail Thatcher]

Mick bowed his head as his words were once again turned down, ever so politely. "It is up to you, my boy." He said. "But the suggestion is there if you wish to accept it. Even if you realise one day down the track that it would probably be a good idea." There was really nothing else to say, as he could not order the boy to do as he said, as that would make him hot only a bully, but not very good at his job; and he was here to help after all.

"I'm sure you will find all you need in there. All else fails, the cooks will happily tell you exactly what they are putting on your plate." He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "I am so glad that they do not serve the mystery meat that was dished up in my childhood." Albeit in fancy school, but there was always that bit of meat that the students pushed around the plate trying to work out exactly what it was.

He bowed his head as his offer with the sword was also politely turned down. He knew that what he was offering was nothing like what the boy was talking about, but it was an offer to give the student something to do, and possibly make an acquaintance of another student at the same time. His eyebrows lifted at the request to get out of class and he apologetically shook his head. "I am sorry, but your attendance in your academic classes has nothing to do with me. To asked to be dismissed from a class, you will need to go and speak with the school principal." And if it were the lass just before lunch, would it make that much of a difference if he waited for an hour to call them?

[Khalid Al-Kuwari]

Khalid was mentally scrambling to figure out why Mick didn't continue with the offers. The social exchange wasn't over yet! What happened to proper behavior? Did Americans really not understand the rule of three?

"Geography and Art are the hardest classes. Right now, biology isn't too bad, but the ecology chapter has a lot of really unfamiliar words. In English, I don't know what is hard because of language and what is hard because of new material. I think the structure is like the Arabic Literature course in Secondary School. A copy of the vocabulary sheets with the Arabic translation would be enough."

He considered bringing his notes from the previous year back with him from break. If the textbooks were similar, then Khalid figured he could just go over his old notes and do fine. The hardest part was when words like 'latitude' became 'khatt aleard' or 'contour' became 'almuhit'. Triconsonantal roots were so helpful.

"Is polite behavior different in America? I thought maybe only at the airport people are rude. Do people not practice um, humility?"

During the layover to get to Kentucky, Khalid went to one of the airport stores to buy chocolate and water. He looked at the prices and made sure he had enough in cash to pay for it and was stunned when the cashier not only told him a different number than the listed prices, but demanded to know if he was paying with cash or credit. It was all so blunt and impersonal.

"My family eats dinner at eight if the meal is at home or eight-thirty if the meal is at a restaurant. It always takes at least an hour. Between isha and dinner is the best time to call because everyone will be at home usually. Before isha, most people are busy, and after is time to spend with close family and friends. It would be rude to call except for an emergency."

[Mikhail Thatcher]

Mick was slightly surprised to know that Khalid was struggling in art, like math he would expect it to be a pretty universal language, unless of course they were looking at the academic side of things, there again though, art had never been his thing. "One thing you could do, it put an app on your phone so that you can do instant translations. As long as you let your teachers know, and you have your phone on silent - and of course don't use it for anything else - you could solve a little of your struggles." While not all translation apps were perfect, they were better than nothing.

Mick smiled softly in understanding. "Politeness and manners differ worldwide." He replied, after all the first time he'd called a professor here in the States, sir he had been yelled at, something about him not being a sir and that he worked for his money. "What you may be used to won't be the same here. I found it completely different when I moved from England. I often found myself being told off for being too polite."

He spread his hands as the boy spoke of times. "As I said before, if you wish to be dismissed from a class, you will need to speak with Ms Hart. I can empathise with you, while there is only a five hour time difference between here and my parents, though knowing the right time to call isn't always the easiest thing."

[Khalid Al-Kuwari]

Using his phone in class never crossed Khalid's mind. He was so used to putting it away during class hours and was half terrified that a teacher might actually toss it out the window. As a national, his education was free, but people still took it very seriously.

"Is that allowed? The teacher will not throw my phone to be eaten by pigs?"

His mother had made that threat after Khalid's phone accidentally went off in the middle of dinner. He had no doubt that she would make good on it.

"In Qatar, it is polite to make offers three times. The first two times, an offer will always be refused. It is greedy to accept an offer right away. Queueing here is very different, too. Everyone stands very close together in a very straight line. It is very uncomfortable when people come into my personal space."

Khalid hated to admit it, but he could live without hearing from his family ever fifteen minutes. It was weird and a little worrisome, but it was oddly nice to not find twenty new messages after a riding lesson. He missed hearing his older brother's teasing and his little sisters, but he would see them over the break. At some point he would have to go shopping and buy everyone nice things from America. He let his shoulder drop forward some in resignation.

"Mostly I'm scared for my friends. I know it sounds sentimental, but I don't want them to lose any more family. Some of my friends are Qatari, but the rest have parents who were born elsewhere. I want to help them if anything happens."

Just thinking about the unrest put Khalid on edge. It was one thing to hear about people being injured in the violence, but death was permanent. He stopped talking and bit his tongue, pulling back into himself rather abruptly. Khalid and his friends often played football together and could live in a fantasy world where there was no violence outside of little playful scuffles, but it was impossible to totally ignore the reality and gravity of war.

[Mikhail Thatcher]

Mick's eyebrows rose with slight amusement at the comment. "As long as you speak with the teacher before the class, and assure them that you will only use it for that purpose and have the phone on silent, I am sure that you should be fine. Of course, each teacher may have a differing opinion on it, so make sure that it's acceptable with each class. He knew that some teachers encouraged the use of electronics, so surely a simple app on a phone shouldn't be an issue as long as the boy didn't breech any trust given to him. "And at least you can be assured that we don't have pigs on campus that you can be fed to."

He nodded at the information about requesting things thrice. "I shall remember that for next time, and I apologise for not knowing of it before this exchange." He nodded in agreement about people getting into the personal space of others. "It's all about getting through things as quickly as possible. I advise that you avoid shopping centres around the holidays." Though he didn't think it would get too bad here, not like in the main cities. "There is not a lot I can offer to make people remain out of your space, though on the campus, you can let the students know that they are too close."

He listened to the boy's concerns about his friends and nodded as he thought. "Are you returning home for the winter break?" He asked. "It could be a good time to speak to your friends and family about their level contact with you, or lack there of as the case may be. While letter writing is seen as something from the past, sitting down and writing a letter to your family or friends might be a good way for you to get a lot of what is sitting on your shoulders off, and then when you have finished writing, you then have the option of sending it off or filing it away." Mick loved the power of putting pen to paper, when he'd first moved over to America he wrote many an angry letter to his father, but none of them were sent away, more often than not, he shredded them.

[Khalid Al-Kuwari]

Just being able to talk to someone about the problems he was experiencing was rather helpful. The advice wasn't always what he wanted to hear, but it was better than struggling to make sense of everything alone. There was still a huge stigma around mental health in Qatar despite efforts by the government to emphasize the importance of a healthy mind as part of a healthy body.

The education system was still a bit baffling. Teachers weren't held to the same regard, and students were free to disagree and debate information presented in class or in the textbook. In Qatar, the teacher was considered the ultimate authority on the subject and could not be contradicted. Schoolwork was primarily memorization of facts.

While the idea of going home again and seeing his family and friends was a highlight, it was impossible to shake the hovering sense of fear for his friends. He wasn't sure how much they would have changed in a month, and they were still in school.

"Yes, and I can't wait to see them again. But..."

He trailed off for a few moments trying to gather his thoughts and present them in a way that didn't sound completely strange.

"I can't stop thinking about how much will be different. Youssef's brother might be called to fight in Syria, and Abdullah still doesn't know what happened to his family in Iraq. Is it wrong to feel this worried for them? My family is safe, and Doha probably won't be attacked, but people here don't really know what it's like. I don't listen to the news anymore; it's too horrible."